Sometimes, what hurts the most about a breakup is the fact that the lack of contact with your ex has left a gaping hole in your daily life. You may see a funny video online and get ready to email it to your ex, or you might hear a funny joke and pick up the phone to call your ex about it….only to remember that you’re not speaking anymore because of the breakup.
If is for this reason that putting a no-contact rule into action can help to quickly resolve a breakup and allow you to get back together with your ex.
For many people, the fact that their closest companion is no longer a part of their life turns out to be a powerful motivator in helping them decide to return a previous relationship. As beings who crave intimacy and companionship with others, a sudden detachment from someone we are close to is enough to compel us to want to return to the relationship for the comfort and security it provided.
In order to utilize the no-contact rule to the fullest, you must be willing to act as though your ex does not exist. This way you will not be tempted to try to talk to them.
On a basic level, delete their phone number from your phone so that you will be unable to dial them on impulse during weak phases. The same goes for text messaging your ex. If you and your ex are connected via any social networking websites, it may be wise to deactivate your profile for a month or so in order to avoid the desire to send them a message or leave a comment on their profile.
The key is, you must not do anything purposefully in order to have contact with your ex. This means that you cannot drive by their house, stop by the gym when you know they are likely to be there, or begin frequenting their favorite hangout spots. You must be willing to starve your own curiosity for the purpose of the greater goal.
If the breakup was particularly hurtful, there may been exchanges between the two of you that make you feel as though you should contact your ex and apologize. Don’t be swayed by these thoughts, but stay the course and resist all desires to resume contact. In fact, if you did say awful things during the breakup, trying to talk to your ex too soon will only help them remember how awful the breakup was. Once you are back together, you will have more freedom to work through these issues and offer your sincere apologies.
If you absolutely must get your feelings out, then write them down in a personal journal. When you are done putting your emotions to paper, shred the paper so that you won’t be tempted to mail it to your ex.
As time passes with zero contact, the sting of the breakup is often eclipsed by fond memories and feelings of regret. It is during this phase the both parties’ hearts will begin to soften toward one another, and talks of reconciliation begin.
When this happens, take things slowly and try to work through the issues that derailed your relationship in the first place, in order to prevent a post-reconciliation meltdown that could lead to another breakup.
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